Machine gun preacher and SS Cinema

"Is there any movie about South Sudan?" a good friend and SPLA soldier asks me in Juba Arabic.

"Non that I know. Although I heard they are making a movie about a khawaja who is apparently rescuing children from the LRA" I reply.

He stares at me blankly.....not so much because my Juba Arabic is incomprehensible but because the idea of the only movie about South Sudan is about a white guy. A white guy that he has never even heard of.

The Machine Gun Preacher movie premiered on the 21st somewhere far enough away from the location of where the story comes from, that the peripheral characters are unable to stand up and scream

"Who are these people and when the hell did any of that happen?!"

I could go on to talk about Sam Childers' methodology with explosive cynicism, but there are plenty of other blog posts that have covered this issue in the past. But I won't. I would however like to refer you to this rather interesting article written by Sister Rose Pacatte, the National Catholic Reporter's official film reviewer. For those of you who have been following the story of the Machine Gun preacher, you may notice that the quotes used in this article suggests that Sam Childers has somewhat come to realise the faults of his own actions and is dialing down the self-righteous machoism.......he still sounds batshit crazy though.

Anyways, at the moment, my biggest problem with this is that this preachy piece of shit is going to be the first movie about South Sudan. And I mean movie movie, documentaries don't count because most of the world's population can't quite be bothered to watch a documentary.

However this movie portrays South Sudanese is how the world will come to see them, a nation who needed a single white knight to come and rescue their children. Forgotten will be the struggle of the South Sudanese soldiers who fought for decades to achieve their freedom. From what I can see in the previews, this movie may even go so far as to portray the SPLA as being an impedance to the protection and rescue of the children.
For me that is probably the worst crime of this movie.
Luckily, there are those out there who want to do justice. Lekan Ayinde and Dare Folder. Two Nigerian film makers who have come to Juba to produce "Salt of The Nation"

The director says that "Salt of the Nation" is about "the Sudan of yesterday, today and tomorrow." Folder said the movie addresses the struggle South Sudan has gone through and the challenges it will face after the referendum.

I for one will be saving my popcorn for this film to be available (I think the movie might already be out, but I have not been able to find it anywhere).

This is not a circus.....

Juba-licious

Hello,

My name is Douglas Lyon.

I work for Japanese television. ( I am however based in Paris, France).

Permit me to use this Google group for my research : I wanted to ask your
guidance... ( and by the way, if you have alreade received this yesterday,
please forgive me... I have never used Google Groups before... )

I currently have a project to visit South Sudan, at the end of this month,
to film for a Japanese television show.

I am looking for something "wild and crazy", or exotique, or funny... This
is for a comedy show, but we want people to be aware of the birth of the
worlds newest independant nation... So the idea is to go to South Sudan,
and do... Something ... "For the first time ever in South Sudan".

I was hoping to find something particular to South Sudan, unusual, or exotic
that cannot be found elsewhere perhaps ? Or some kind of adventure that our
two comedians can experience ? I was thinking about traditional
wrestling... Or attending a wedding of two women, or something...

I was hoping you all might be so kind as to recommend some ideas ? What do
foreigners like to see or do when they visit South Sudan ?

Can you help me ? We would greatly appreciate any ideas or suggestions you
might have...

Thank you in advance, and

best wishes,

Douglas E. Lyon
Excelman Productions
67, rue Traversiere
75012 Paris, France
Mobile : (+33) 6-0742-7838
http://www.excelman.com
e-mail : l...@excelman.com

......So fuck off....

Terrorice this....

Some jerks behind a desk in London calling themselves Maplecroft have decided to make a little list ranking countries with the highest risk of terrorist attacks. Sadly, they have decided to put South Sudan 5^th on the list, below Somalia, Pakistan, Iraq and Afghanistan.

The Terrorism Risk Index has been developed by Maplecroft, and comprises of three separate sub-indices: incidence – which calculates the frequency of attacks over a 12-month period (June 2009 – June 2010, the latest available data); intensity –a calculation of how lethal terrorist attacks are. The report indicates that in some countries like Greece for example, there have been a lot of small scale attacks that typically do not kill anyone. In other countries, like Iraq, Somalia and Afghanistan for example, terrorist attacks are designed to kill as many people as possible. The intensity index also counts the number of mass-casualty attacks per country. The third includes historical aspects– the historical component looks at a country’s past experience of terrorism, whether it has a long-standing militant group that has operated in the country, for instance, Colombia’s FARC which has been active since the 1960s. Based on these parameters the Index, released annually covers 196 countries. (Foreignpolicyblog)

My initial reaction to South Sudan’s ranking was straight up anger. It felt like the warmongers were charging at the gates again, trying to paint South Sudan red with violence. Also, I had never really thought of the violence in South Sudan as being terrorism, and so the thought of terrorists running around South Sudan just did not compute in my mind. Then again, defining terrorism has always been a problem in this modern age.

For the purposes of the index, Maplecroft defines terrorism as “incidents in which sub-national or clandestine groups or individuals deliberately attack civilians or non-combatants (including military personnel and assets outside war zones and war-like settings).” (Foreignpolicyblog)

So why did South Sudan manage to land itself in 5^th position above Palestine and Yemen?

Following the country’s formal secession from Sudan in July 2011, South Sudan (5) makes its first appearance in the Terrorism Risk Index. The country is rated as ‘extreme risk’ primarily due to the intensity of terrorist attacks, with an average of 6.59 fatalities per terrorist incident, almost three times that of Somalia at 2.23. (Maplecroft)

Wow. That is some pretty hardcore numbers. Three times the intensity of terrorists in Somalia. South Sudanese terrorists must be far better at terrorising than those useless suicide bombers. So how did they come to this conclusion?

A number of terrorist groups operate in South Sudan including the Lord’s Resistance Army, which has been responsible for mass-casualty attacks. However, splinter groups that have broken away from the mainstream Sudan People’s Liberation Army (SPLA) use terrorist methods and pose the greatest threat. One such group, led by George Athor, was responsible for 111 deaths in an attack in Jonglei province in February 2011. This one incident accounts for over 50% of the 211 fatalities sustained by South Sudan from attacks between April 2010 and March 2011.

One incident…one…. that is all it took to place this brand new country to 5^th on the list. By that account, in 2001 the US would have been placed number one in intensity for its 2,606 casualties following a single terrorist attack. Despite whatever magical indices they use, I think that solely basing your ranking on a single event is extremely careless. Especially when you have clearly not even investigated that single event.

The attack the report refers to is one that took place in February following the announcement of the referendum results. A rebel militia, led by George Athor had attacked Fangak County. There were two belligerents in this attack, the rebel militia and the SPLA. Who initiated the attack first is up for debate but the fact that this was clearly a military operation means that this was NOT an act of terrorism.

Phillip Aguer, spokesman of the Sudan People’s Liberation Army, in a separate interview confirmed 105 people were killed. Reports from the area indicate that 105 people from both sides have killed: 39 civilians, 24 police and 42 from Athor’s men. (link)

Yes, there were civilian casualties, but most military operations in this day and age have civilian casualties. It does not mean that the militias were deliberately targeting them. These various rebel militias, while being an absolute tragedy to the peace of South Sudan, are trying to gain the support of the public while crippling the SPLA. It makes absolutely no strategic sense for them to target civilians. If there were anyone who were targeting civilians, the SPLA would be the one responsible as we have seen in Mayom County.

But that is not the issue. The issue is that these ignorant desk jockeys should really do their homework before they go ahead and scare away any potential foreign investment for South Sudan. I mean, seriously, a simple search in Google or Sudan Tribune would have even sufficed. That is why I get the feeling that they ranked South Sudan as 5^th simply because of the juicy publicity that comes with failing the new country. Well done…your publicity stunt has now assured your status as complete failures in your industry of weavers of nightmares for the corporate world.

As a side note, the UK has been classified as medium threat. I would strongly suggest Maplecroft change that to extreme because I’m about to go terrorise their mom’s house.

Why I dislike Prendergast?

People are always asking me, "Why do you hate the Enough Project and John Prendergast so much?"

Well folks, this morning I came across an example of why it is that I want to stab pencils in my ear and wash my eyes out with bleach every time Prendergrast utters a word.

Speaking about the current violence in Abyei and South Kordofan, Prendergast made this brilliant suggestion:

the Enough Project, an advocacy group, called for the U.S. to provide air defense systems to southern Sudan to help the region protect itself and deter escalating violence in the north-south border region, where the north has attacked on multiple fronts. (Link)

At the risk of sounding like an even bigger hippy than Prendergrast, handing out weapons to one side of a conflict is not really a great path to peace. South Sudan is not engaging in combat for a reason. Its not because they don't have the capacity, but rather because they have experienced Enough! fighting and violence and want to simply resolve the issue diplomatically. By providing them with air defence and telling them to use it, you will merely be committing the SPLA further into the conflict, which will then demand a response from the Khartoum, leading to full scale war. People are tired of wars, and as horrible as it might be to count the casualties of Khartoum's air raids, it can't be worst than sending the entire region back into war where casualty numbers will dwarf those of the current air raids. As nice as it is to fantasize about killing the evil doer, it just isn't how the world works. So instead of making these awful emotionally plagued policy suggestions, why don't you, Clooney, the Machine Gun Preacher and that crazy American Ninja in Afghanistan go start a club for maverick superhero wannabes and take down dictators across the globe.

Prendergast: Clooney! How did you get to be Batman AGAIN? And why the hell am I wonderwoman?!!

F******* Peacekeepers

*******WARNING - There is some obscene language in the following*********

Photo credit

My nomination for the next Nobel Peace Prize has definitely got to be those useless fucking Peacekeepers in the United Nations Mission in Sudan (UNMIS). Reason being that even Gandhi wasn't this much of a pacifist.

Now if you didn't know, there has been an eruption of violence throughout the border regions of Abyei and South Kordofan as the Northern SAF have moved into major towns with ground forces accompanied by tanks and heavy artillery. Reports are coming in likening the situation to ethnic cleansing of the non-Arab population of two regions as well as anyone believed to be supporters of the South. The UN Peacekeepers tasked with errr, keeping the peace and protecting civilians have done a phenomenal job of staying in their compound and cowering like a bunch of……(I was going to come up with some clever metaphor, but anger blinds me. So...) fucking pussies.

In Abyei, the Zambian peacekeepers, behaving like teenage stoners, "locked themselves up for a couple of days...They were then instructed to come out of their barracks and start patrolling, but they had already lost a crucial 48 hours". And the 150,000 residents had already run away to the South. Similarly, the Egyptians in South Kordofan “fear for their lives. Official position of UNMIS is to stay calm and threat will pass but personal advice shared is to get out and sooner the better.”

Yes, absolutely brilliant strategy. Just chill…... hopefully SAF will soon be done with wiping out the entire native population of the two regions and then they’ll go back to Darfur or just go for a nap. Otherwise, we can throw some children at them while we make a quick get away in our helicopters.

Here are some highlights of peacekeeping failure from various reports coming in the from the 2 regions:

· The 10,000 civilians who have sought security at the
UNMIS base in Kadugli are desperately short of water and facing
growing security risks. Many have already left Kadugli, and the town
of Dilling to the north is reportedly deserted.

· UNMIS in Kauda totally lost credibility with locals who also
feel they collaborating with north (partly due to policy to only
evacuate via north). Locals mistrust extends to not giving UNMIS
credible information. This adds to unreliability of UN information.
UNMIS peacekeepers in Kauda accused of staying in compound, late with
patrols, have poor communication facilities (computers infected) and
often rely on news of unrest in their vicinity to come from Kadugli
section leader.

· Now heard from 2 different sources that local black people
perceived to support SPLM/A being pulled out of UNMIS compound in
Kadugli and executed in presence of peacekeepers. No protection from
them.

· The UN Peace Keepers are standing idly by and
civilians have been killed right in front of their eyes and there
hasn't been any intervention on their part. They are there to protect
civilians but they give no protection to the people. And they are not
Zambians who were blamed also for not protecting the people. They are
Egyptians!!

· A reliable source reports that Khartoum’s fearsome
Military Intelligence forced its way into UNMIS headquarters in
Kadugli and took many suspected SPLM sympathizers. This source also
reports that a "disabled man in a wheelchair was found killed outside
the UNMIS compound after he sought protection [there]." This has had
an understandably chilling effect on those looking to UNMIS for
protection, and many who had originally gathered at the UNMIS base are
melting away. A number of those caught and labeled "SPLM
sympathizers" have almost certainly been executed.

· There are also reports of UNMIS allowing SAF soldiers to stop the UNMIS buses filled with people evacuating the area and searching through their belongings to help identify possible SPLM supporters.

So yeah, a total fuck up of a fucked up system. At least they were aware of their errors:

“The UN has admitted peacekeepers were wrong to stay in barracks during
recent fighting between northern and southern Sudan that left scores
of people dead and caused tens of thousands to flee.”

And I admit that I was wrong for raping your mother’s face. Oh no wait, that was also UNMIS:

“Dalman also directed criticism at UNMIS and accused the Egyptian contingency in the area of raping six women. He said the incident took place after civilians fleeing the fighting took shelter at the headquarters of the peacekeeping force.

This comes on the heels of a statement issued by Al-Hilu this week in he which he said that the Egyptian peacekeepers are complicit in the attacks by SAF in the state revealing that a letter was sent to them asking for clarifications”

They do have a pretty good excuse for their failure to protect though:

“The UN Missions in Sudan (Unmis) troops were themselves under fire at
their base… In terms of the physical protection of
civilians, it must be recognised that most civilians left the area
before the peak of the crisis and that Unmis troops and civilians were
themselves in imminent danger as the Unmis compound itself was hit.”

Oh no, oh poor babies. Your trained SOLDIERS were shot at during a WAR?! Oh how awful. Don’t these nasty people know that you were just there to earn your home country a bit of extra cash? Not to actually engage in any conflict. Next thing you know people are going to expect the UN DDR to actually do DDR stuff?

Although UNMIS must be pretty pissed off as they probably expected it all to be a Rwanda-like situation,where only the local population were targeted and the peacekeepers got to just stand there and watch.

Maybe Im being too harsh. UNMIS has provided some good to Sudan. In Juba, they have provided lovely fields for us expats to play our stupid expat games on. They have also taken lead on the reporting of the serious psychological trauma of Equus africanus asinus.

Now all these reports have not been properly verified, so maybe we should see what our nerds in space have to say about all this:

“The Satellite Sentinel Project said a group of former U.S. civilian
and military officials had affirmed the group’s visual evidence that
the Sudanese government had “allegedly committed war crimes during its
occupation of the disputed region of Abyei.””

Oh shut the fuck up you wankers…..

Slackistan: Reality TV for a new audience?

"Islamabad, Pakistan. A group of privileged and westernised twenty-something friends while away their days and nights driving around town, partying, surfing the internet and smoking shisha pipes. As the country outside their world starts to crack, Hasan and his friends must face up to relationships, internal angst and life choices before it is too late."

So its basically a movie version of those American reality TV shows of rich youths hanging around....doing stuff.....BUT, this one is set in Pakistan. Therefore we can pass it off as cultured and meaningful.....

This is just like the Afghan version of pop idol that was made into a movie - Afghan Star

Next week: Reality TV cooking program in Turkmenistan

Finally, reality TV for us classy wankers

Clooney in Sudan....and more

(I couldn't find a single amusing picture of him, so here is Batman)

“I think [a civil war] can be stopped,” he told Curry. “We stopped it in 2005, we stopped the north-south war … and we stopped it with diplomacy. We didn’t stop it with soldiers. If we get involved now we have a shot.”

That was George Clooney shooting the breeze with Anne Curry......
Well......
I....uhhh.......
He thinks he's so.......hmmmm
That is totally...........huh

As much fun and pleasure as I would get from ragging on the Cloon, I can't seem to disagree with him (aside from the excessive use of 'We'). Plus, according to the article he got spat on by an old woman and was told it was a blessing......pffft, grandma is totally laughing right now.

Oh and to all you alarmists who thinks that no one outside of your little Western liberal bubble*** are able to resolve their conflicts through peaceful negotiation:

"The Sudanese First Vice President Salva Kiir and 2nd Vice president Ali Osman Taha met in Juba today to discuss a number of issues including the reported military build-up on the North-South border, state media reported today.
Sudan official news agency (SUNA) cited Kiir as saying that both sides agreed to calm the situation and stop the media* escalation between the National Congress Party (NCP) and Sudan people Liberation Movement (SPLM)." (Link)

Ooooooh! whats wrong? Did that just make you flaccid?..... Go jerk off over another war you wankers**!


*I'm pretty sure that's supposed to say military and not media. Otherwise, Kiir is one snarkily genius cowboy.

**note the proper/literal use of this noun.

*** OK, maybe western liberal bubble is a little bit over dramatic, but you know what I mean

"O.K., my one prediction is that events won’t unfold precisely like that..."

That was the always alarming, Nick Kristoff, talking about his prediction of how things might play out in Sudan following the referendum. Well.....two can play at that game.

DEC. 10, 2010 Word trickles out of massacres and widespread rapes by tribal militias from the North in the boiling borderlands between North and South. Turns out, it was just a bunch of rumours spread by " Westerners with an interest in a divided and weakened Sudan".

DEC. 15 The chairman of the referendum commission (from the North) calls on the South to postpone the vote for “just one month,” pointing to insecurity and to inadequate preparations for voting. The South insists that the referendum will go on as scheduled. The North responds by simply giving the South it's desired independence and refocuses its attention on raping Darfur.

JAN. 9, 2011 The referendum is not held at the disappointment of many t-shirt flag vendors. Op-Ed columnists are left with nothing more to speak of so they too refocus their attention on raping Darfur. Chinese and Malaysian oil companies rejoice as their commitment to not pull out of the country pays off.

JAN. 18 Salva Kiir, the President of the newly independent South Sudan goes on a bike ride with Bashir. They stop under a mango tree to discuss their future alliance. They high-five each other - camera freezes as they both leap into the air and their hands meet.

JAN. 20 Reports begin to come out from the Nuba mountains of sightings of Care Bears. According to an interview with Grumpy Bear, it was in fact these diabolical bears and their bio-weapon, the "Care Bear Stare", that was behind the sudden prosperous peace between the North and South Sudan. Asked as to why Darfur is still seeing high levels of rape, Grumpy Bear answered "Well, Love-a-lot Bear was tasked to deal with that conflict. However she ended up overdoing it with her powers and became Too-much-love bear, leading to mass rape across the land"
See, Kristoff... I'm pretty good at making shit up too.


Anyways, 2 points:

Firstly; I am fully aware that there is a great potential for a resurgence of the North-South War if things don't go smoothly prior or during the referendum. I realise that the North has a lot to lose if the South does secede and are therefore willing to take action to destabilise the situation. However, that does not mean that there isn't any hope for a peaceful referendum and eventual secession. Maybe I am absolutely crazy for thinking that people can change for the better, or that the North can come to see the benefits of allowing its South to be independent (the South still needs a pipeline and refineries for its oil and like Singapore, Sudan can be the refinery guy). But I would rather be crazy than be that miserable-wanker-with-a-fetish-for-war who thinks that speculating about war all the time won't eventually incite it. Thats right, incite it. because drawing a picture of the north as being villainous is sure as hell not a very good diplomatic strategy. This isn't a 1970's cartoon where the bad guy just wants the world to descend into chaos for no real particular motive. Bashir is not Cobra Commander, but by always describing him as such one risks causing a self-fulfilling prophecy based on a form of stereotype threat, where if everyone says he is, he may just start to believe it and therefore act accordingly. Also, 5 years since the CPA (a massive agreement) was signed, a large number of the provisions have been accomplished (mind you with delays - but still accomplished) and there has only been 2 north-south clashes (even that were just between soldiers within the JIU and did not definitively reflect the intentions of either governments).
So lets not write off the chance for peace just yet, lets try and stay positive and lets act surprised when things turn for the worst.

Secondly, and this point is better put by Michael Busch and Oscar Blayton, is simply a call for all these advocacy groups, writers and 'academics' to stop suggesting that the US with its exceptional exceptionalism should take the war to Sudan - in the same packaging as Iraq. Also, I would just like to add, Kristoff's suggestion (based on an old CIA plan) to fire missiles at the refinery and pipeline in Port Sudan is just stupid. If you are doing it to help the South, I don't think destroying its main source of income is very clever. Also, good luck winning the support of China after that…..unless that was the plan? (cue dramatic horns "Dumb-Dumb-Dumb")

So if war breaks out, il be here pissing into the wind while you can laugh smugly about being right…enjoy it, because I will return as a ghost and haunt-rape you in your sleep (too much?)

Photo credit: got it from John Akec's blog

War porn or just stupid?

I received a document today of IKV Pax Christi's latest publication on Sudan entitled:
CPA Alert: The State of Sudan's Comprehensive Peace Agreement - Alert No. 2!!!! (you have to say it with a dramatic-action-movie-trailer voice).
I didn't manage to get past the cover without being shocked and disgusted by the recklessness of this publication. Have a look:



Notice anything wrong? No? Well allow me to explain......
Viewing an image of plumes of smoke rising up from tukuls (huts) in a post-conflict country tends to invoke thoughts of violence and conflict as though marauding evil-doers are running around setting fire to entire communities, probably raping and pillaging in the process. This is especially true when the word ALERT is written (massively) twice just above the image. It acts to instill the idea that this carnage will happen if the issues surrounding the CPA (and what ever Pax Christi says about it) are not addressed.......like, RIGHT NOW!
However, this photo is actually just of a demolition project that took place in Juba a year or so ago. Talk about terrorism.... it is truly a sad day to see a peacebuilding NGO try to persuade their readers by adopting scare tactics and only using pathos as their mode of argument. I say ONLY using pathos because the paper is....well, pretty shit. Mind you, I have only skimmed it, but it seems like a repetition of many other papers that talk about the same thing and speculate only of horror scenarios (good breakdown of the referendum law though). The writing just feels lazy, and the recommendations are just unimaginative and consistently just state the obvious.
But, Im probably just being extra dick-ish about it because of their (ab)use of that photo and am therefore trapped in a cognitive bias.
Nonetheless, John Ashworth.......I thought you were cool man...

Photo credit: Petterik Wiggers (wanker.....well, only if you were the one that decided to be a whore)


NB: I am pretty damn convinced and have confirmed with colleagues that this photo is in fact a Juba demolition project and not actually a conflict. Otherwise, well, I'll shamefully delete this post and go into hiding.

Edit: I got caught up in the moment and may have been excessively critical yesterday. That photo and all this constant fear mongering by so many of these publications is starting to get to me. Have some faith you miserable bastards

John: are you a 1-trick pony??

The one thing I love more than reading news articles and blog posts is reading the comments left by angry readers. I love internet commentary, people are always so angry and hateful. I assume that this is due to the fact that they are less inhibited due to the fact that they are protected by anonymity. If any of you have read the comments section on almost any Sudan Tribune article, you will know exactly what I mean.

John Prendergrast has posted another article about US policy failings on Sudan and blah blah blah.... You can really read the whiny tone of his writing in this one. However, scroll down to the comments section and you will see some criticism against Prendergrast written by one Ibrahim Adam, who attacks Prendergrast amongst other writers for their scaremongering. Its written very well, much better than my description of Prendergrast which would have simply consisted of using a 6 letter word starting with W and ending with a lot of tissue paper being used to wipe the computer monitor and keyboard clean.

Anyways, to Ibrahim Adams......Respect.

Southern Sudan's Land Act

The latest Juba Briefing paper entitled "Urban land conflict in Eastern Equatoria" was released a couple of days ago. It is worth a read to see the difficulties of land [re]acquisition for IDPs and refugee returnees as well as the issues of settled IDPs being kicked out of their new found homes. Issues that are quite easily forgotten but have quite an impact on conflicts nonetheless. The presentation of the briefing paper seemingly doubled up as the public release of the '2009 Southern Sudan Land Act'. An interesting and predictably problematic point can be found surrounding the issue of restitution of land for displaced peoples:

"A person may be entitled to restitution of a right in land if he or she lost her or his right after an involuntary displacement as a result of the civil war starting from May 16, 1983 (Chapter XXXI). But claims must be made within three years of the 2009 commencement of the act."

Fair enough right? Well, the only problem is that the Land Act, despite it being called the 2009 Land Act, was only really made available and operational this year. Therefore, the three years instantly becomes about a year and a half. Furthermore, it is only really available for social elites and those who have been lucky enough to catch wind of its release.

Also, for "foreign investors" like Phillipe Hielberg who "...insists the law is less important to his deal than the clout he has bought into by associating with a former warlord, Paulino Matip, whose family says it owns some of the land in Mayom county, in Unity state.", well.... he actually has nothing to worry about..... I just wanted to mention him because he's seems like such a wanker....
I hope the land he has leased turns out to be that of those displaced and that they manage to take it back.
Hielberg says, "You have to go to the guns: this is Africa,"........wanker