Wednesday, July 27, 2011

'Colourful' police arrests

When I first arrived in South Sudan, we used to get stopped by the traffic police almost on a daily basis and ‘fined’ for some of the most ridiculous of reasons. However, since those days I have seen the police force here in Juba transform into a professional (and very polite) force that conducts itself with the utmost respect for its citizens and the law. Of course, this is only in Juba. Outside of Juba the rule of law and the role of the police remains somewhat ambiguous and you often hear about police making arrests for some of the craziest of things.

Therefore, here is my list of some of the most ‘colourful’ arrests the South Sudan Police Service (SSPS) have made:

22 traders arrested for poor display of goods

Police apprehended 22 traders on Thursday, charged of “poor display of goods” at shops verandas in Maror market and fined them between 100 and 200 Sudanese Pounds (SDG), chair of traders’ union has said.

Butchers arrested over increase in meat prices

Butchers operating in Rumbek, the capital of Lakes state, South Sudan have been apprehended by security officers on Tuesday following their decision to increase the price of meat without consulting the relevant authorities.

Someone once said, in reaction to my support of the privatisation of certain industries here, that there is the danger of certain businesses raising their prices to the point where the community will suffer……this is my counter.

Truck drivers arrested for committing adultery

Two truck drivers of the Khartoum-based Eyat Company have been arrested for committing adultery during midnight with women alleged to be married.

It was past midnight, that the two young looking drivers by the names of Abdullah I. and Hassan M., found their way into the honey pot of the two unidentified girls whose names were not disclosed to PNU, as they told their lovers that they were not married neither one was a virgin nor a house wife, but they are for business like (prostitution).

Local observers say, these two drivers, after starving in the wilderness in northern Sudan for decades, got the golden chance and made their way with these two unidentified lovers to the base where they made themselves comfortable.

Teacher arrested for complaining of pay cuts and regular impregnation of schoolgirls

A primary school teacher was arrested in Bor, on Monday 18 July after told state radio station that he had resigned due to low pay, unnecessary pay cuts and the regular impregnation of school girls by some teachers in the state.

The teacher, Mr. Jok Marial, was arrested and is being held in jail on charges of defamation in relation to the allegations of sexual impropriety by teacher in Jonglei.

There is of course always the serious issue of freedom of press (there are so many of these):

Sudan Tribune Journalist detained in Juba

Mr. Vuni, whose writings appear in the Sudan Tribune, said that he was arrested for exposing the collapse of Nile Commercial Bank and the knocking of the presidential motorcade by a hit-and-run vehicle that belonged to the Ministry of Information and Broadcasting’s headquarters in Juba.

And finally, we always have to include some arbitrary arrests of the demonised Murle community.

Leaders from Murle community arrested in Juba

A number of political and military leaders from the Murle community of Pibor County in Jonglei state have been arrested in the South Sudan’s capital, Juba.

No particular reason was given, but I would not be too surprised if they were convicted for feasting on kidnapped children or causing drought.

While all these cases do have their comical value……. Something, something intelligent and meaningful…probably about less rape-y trainings and a half-decent syllabus.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Stabilisation in oil revenues and diversification in revenue sources to ensure macroeconomic stability and sustained growth

Nah, just kidding. This is actually just another post about why I hate Prendergast.

In introducing our favourite humanitarian disaster, Stephen Colbert said this,

"....and your group helped push the referendum that led to the creation of South Sudan"

In which Prendergrast replied with a.....

(nod, nod, nod)

Now before I go ahead and criticise Prendergast for not correcting Colbert for such a claim, I thought it would only be fair that I first spoke to those involved in the referendum to see whether this point may actually be true.
So I hoped on my magic donkey and went to see my bro Bashir to get his views.

"Prendergast?! Dude with feminine long hair? He is somebody? I think that hippy was George Clooney's drug dealer or personal assistant. But no, he do nothing to push was all Clooney. He told me I get to be in his next movie with Matt Damon.........Kim Jong Il is going to be so jealous"

Anyone else out there tries to take credit away from the people who truly struggled to reach this independence will know my wrath. I will write many blog posts using the most juvenile of insults to bring shame upon you and your genetic existence.
Organisations that merely raise awareness for a bunch of self-righteous American college students who then go and host parties to raise awareness amongst themselves in a self-gratifying circle jerk gets no credit.

Clooney on the other hand gets mad props. Respect brother.

Full video:

And yes, I am being petty. But you see, Prendergast to me is like what airplane food is to a failing comedian. When I have no material to write about, I can always rely on Prendergast for inspiration just as a comedian can turn to airplane food in times of desperation.
So despite my inherent hatred towards him, he is pretty much the foundation of my blogging career.

Monday, July 18, 2011


Most people might have already seen this on John Ashworth's google group:

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Waltz With Bashir

Only 2 days to go before I start to really struggle to fill in the “current location” part of any form on the Internet and I am way to excited to be writing blog posts. So Im just gonna try summarise lots of issues into this one post:
- Last night at 10 pm the Transitional Constitution of South Sudan was passed. Only 10 out of the many potential amendments were passed thus leaving the President with an excessive amount of power. I believe President Salva Kiir is now Commander in Chief of all animals and is also able to resurrect the dead. The fact that some of the suggest amendments were made to the draft is a good sign that the process has a lot of potential. Also, this is just an interim constitution, so hopefully things will play out better the next time around. More coverage on this once I get a hold of the complete version.

- Some of my favourite number crunching nerds have come together to write an interesting post on the economic prospects of South Sudan. Im pretty sure almost all of my readers got here through Roving Bandit anyways so I won’t get into it, but I would like to point out that they failed to mention anything about security... So I will be going to break all of their abacuses to remind them about the effects of violence on economists…I mean economics.

- Juba is going through some CRAZY transformations in preparation for this Saturday. For example, when I first moved here, we used to have to drive past a roundabout that was demarcated using a tyre that would always get stolen and then replaced with some other object. That tyre is now a huge concrete roundabout with grass flourishing in the middle of it and tarmacked roads leading up to it from every direction. Roads which now have lanes drawn on it and street signs to manage it. Also, did anybody say proper pistachio ice cream? OH YEEEEEAAH.

- There has been rumours flying around about apparent government representatives from certain countries that refused to come celebrate the birth of this new country simply because President Bashir will be attending (its not cool to hang with people who have ICC warrants). Now of course these are just rumours, but if it is true all I have to say is suck it up you self-righteous little bitch*. July 9th isn’t about you, the ICC, or Bashir. It is about South Sudan’s birthday; and it will invite its long time villain if it wants to, invite its long time villain if it wants to. I personally have incredible respect for South Sudan for inviting Bashir despite their obviously murderous history. So if the victims of Bashir’s aggression can be big enough to have him present, the rest of you need to stop being such wankers* and respect their decision. Plus, so what if you don’t come? You player haters are the ones who are going to miss out on Bashir’s dictator dance:

OH, and all you countries better recognise yo......seriously-literally, please dont be a dick and not recognise South Sudan.

* The swear words found here are dedicated to Abhi, who thinks my blog has become better now that I don’t swear as much……fuck you Abhi….fuck you.